Television and Why You Need To Watch Less Of That Shit.

Ok, it looks like I just discovered my second enemy stopping me from working on my new side project. Its not the biggest enemy but its close. TELEVISION.

There is always something interesting on Television and that is a REAL PROBLEM. Its not like what is on television is usually an as inspiring as a movie like the Pirates of Silicon Valley or anywhere close to being as entertaining as regular porn movies. Nah! Its just utterly old fashioned stupid way of wasting your time and getting absolutely nothing back in return. Not even entertainment.  If this project is going to succeed Television has to stop. Completely.

Of course, I can't stop the rest of the world from watching television because I just woke up one day and saw the light. I cannot be expecting every human being in my life to change just because I woke up today and felt like changing. But things have to change for me. How much television do I watch on any given day? Not even an hour I guess. Why is television such a big threat then? Because it eats into my weekends and keeps me from working on this project during the weekends.

I don't have a plan on how I am going to stop watching television on the weekend. I am not even saying that I am going to stop watching television completely. All I am saying is, I know it is an enemy and I need to be very careful of it.

How hard is quitting something? I have quit a lot of things in my life. Quit as in, stopped trying to get something. Stopped craving for whatever it is that I was trying to quit and just quit it. Stopped even thinking about it. Quitting something is easy once you get used to the idea of quitting things you do not really need. Television, falls in that category of things.

You know all those guys who make a big deal about quitting their habits, I don't think they want to quit because if  you REALLY want to  and you have the support of your "bestest" of friends, quitting becomes really easy. I hope I can say that about the television. All I am trying to do is quit watching television during the weekends. Actually, I am not even trying to do that. I am just trying to keep an active tab how how much Television I watch during the weekend and if that crosses minutes and turns into something more than an hour, apply a circuit breaker and snap out of it. How hard can that be?

Television as of now seems to be the one thing that is standing between me and the completion of this project. Television has to stop. Decided. Locked. Done.

So, the fear of starting... television... what's next?

Starting Anything Is Really Hard.

Anyone watched pretty woman? You know the part where there is this conversation between Julia Roberts and Richard Gere where the talk reaches a point where this is said: "You and I are such similar creatures, Vivian. We both screw people for money". After about 10 years of working for organizations, "growing" and changing stuff, when you turn around to look at the value you created, and you see nothing, you feel like... well, I don't know what I feel like anymore, but one thing is for sure. Some of this has to change.

I am not talking about quitting here. I don't have the balls to do that. It's not the quitting that is difficult. It's actually doing something after you quit that is really difficult. It's the classic Hamlet, To Be Or Not To Be scenario. Its the To Do or Not To Do Scenario.  Besides, I love my job and I am going to continue with it. But then, something else has to happen. An entirely different type of a problem that I solve. Something where I can take decisions without taking permission from a committee of people. Something where I can test my own limits and hopefully break them just a little bit every day. Something that can eventually let me connect to the hundred people I said I would connect to when I started out this blog.

I've started working on this thing for a few days now and I can tell you that it's difficult. Building software in the night when you are working for your organization twelve hours a day, is fucking HARD. At times my head is going round and round in circles. At times, you just want to sit there watching the stupid television show  or browsing through a stupid porn video website. The hardest part about working during the nights where you have worked your ass the entire day, is not the work itself. It's opening your IDE and starting.

Once I start, things usually get better. Within hours I forget the issues, the pain, the confusion, the stupidity and the professionalism that surrounds me. I am slowly getting used to the idea of opening my IDE and starting. If I can only keep doing that for a few more days, I might have something that I can gift to two of the "bestest" of my friends.

I think I am slowly starting to understand why most people cannot start their own products or their own companies. Its because they like moping and crying. That, and they are scared of starting. I feel that fear almost every fucking night now when I force myself to open my IDE and write code. The idea is that if we keep repeating something, we get used to it and we don't feel scared of it anymore. That's EXCACTLY what I am hoping will happen with this "working during the night" thing.

I am slowly getting the hang of it. I am going to continue writing my experiences of building this product here. Not the product itself, but what goes through my head. My thoughts, my inspirations, my confusions, my progress and above all, my fears because this is what I am trying to overcome here.

Stay tuned nice people (and you too, stalkers!). I hope you learn something from these experiences, successes and setbacks as I write them down for my own sake and yours. If you have something to say, well, say it DAMIT because things are awfully quite in here.

If you don't have anything to say but you liked this post, shut up, keep reading and keep stalking this blog like a lurker that you are!

(Stupid Grin again.)

I Don't Need You To Tell Me I'm An Asshole.

What's worse than having someone get into a heated fight with you?

Seeing three of your friends (connected to each other through you) fight with each other like they hate each other.

Its painful.

How did I stop the fight? By chiming in. By turning into a devil. Yeah. All three of them most probably hate me now. But the argument ended. They are on good terms with each other. It's awfully quite.

Yeah, I am such an asshole.

I know. I don't need YOU to tell me that.

Friendship. Some day I'll figure out it out.

(Stupid Grin).

Yoda Gets Depressed Too On A Saturday Evening (4th December 2010).

Robert Scoble I remember had a cardinal rule of blogging. You do not blog when you are depressed or feeling low. The reason was that when you are depressed or feeling low you tend to produce shit. I tend to produce strange gibberish or dark humor.

Now if you are a normal human being (like all others who have an immense capacity to hurt and enjoy other people's suffering), you are probably going to ask me now why I am depressed, but you know what, I know that you know that I know that you do not care so I am going to save you the trouble and not answer that question. Instead I am going to bitch about an acquaintance from my college days who has been getting on my nerve. How is that for a blog post?

Nah! That makes absolutely no sense, primarily because I am not going to be able to name him (because I don't have the fucking balls to do that online) and even if I did name him and bitched about him, what does that make me? A Bitch? I guess.

So, change of plan. I'm not going to do that. I dropped the idea. I think I need to learn how the shut the fuck up when it comes to dealing with human beings outside of my direct family (they are nice enough to understand) because clearly my big mouth seems to be getting me into more trouble than anything else.  Oh and now do you see what happens when you try to write when you are depressed and feeling low? Bullshit like this flows effortlessly through your backside.

So learning how to shut up...

That' important. Really (as in Really, Really, Really) important. Actually you know what, shutting up in front of other human beings and venting it out on a blog post like this can actually pretty helpful. Because most of the time, the bitches who are getting on your nerves aren't exactly looking for your help or service to help them change or become better human beings.

I learnt this the really hard way. Actually, I learned this by getting punched in my belly, kicked in my balls and but face getting slapped really hard. I have learnt that the only response you can give someone who is telling you what a pathetic looser you have been your enter life is through you actions.

I have learnt that action usually takes a lot of time to materialize and by the time you are proven right you have lost the desire to be proven right. Most of the times it is not like "The Social Network" movie where you go about printing "I'm CEO... Bitch."  on your business cards.

You know what, that is exactly what I want to do right now to a lot of different people. Actually, I want to do it really bad. But here is the fucking tragic part, I'm not the CEO bitch (and by writing more of this I am running the risk of becoming the bitch) so I am going to shut the fuck up and end the post. And if  (this is just a fucking possibility) things work out in the future, I am sure, I will not feel like printing business cards like that. Or who knows, I actually might. Actually you know what, who cares!

I've been typing for the past few minutes. Before I started typing I was nearing the point where I would have thought of crying, but this is good. You know, what I did here was that I came online, I farted, I pooped, I produced some raw shit that you are reading right now. But you know what? I actually feel better. So much fucking better.

Back  to work now. 

Oh, and Thanks for reading my shit.