It's been a long time since I wrote here so I thought I'd come here and burp out just a little something. You know, for the sake of keeping in the habit of writing and for the sake of reflection and good old soul searching. It's been about two months since I started working on this thing. The thing that I said I was going to be working on. And It is alive.
I don't know what having a baby feels like. I've never had a baby. They say that the feeling so so fucking awesome it changes you for ever. I don't know about that. But what I can tell you is that the feeling that I have now a days, every time I see this little application in action. It seems to make me feel happy. Maybe not as happy as having a baby. Maybe not even close. Maybe I shouldn't be comparing having a baby with building an application. After all, its not an apples to apples comparison. But then, the joy of having being a part of something that you see morph itself into existence is so fucking awesome, it changes you.
When I first read Jonathan Livingstone The Seagull (an amazing book by Richard Bach), the part where Jonathan the seagull, wonders how others gulls can be so oblivious to the pleasures of practicing flight, seemed just inspirational. Now I am starting to look at people on the roads, people watching television, people dancing in parties, people wasting time having conversations, people wasting time being afraid and I wonder how they can be so oblivious to the joy of building things. I think I so fucking understand what Jonathan must have felt like. You don't have to be specially talented to have that feeling. Even stupid dolts like me can have that feeling. So, as I was saying, it feels wearied to see people wasting time over things which are just cheap substitutes of true pleasure of escape routes for their fear laden brains.
I know its not fair. Specially given that a couple of months ago, I found watching porn so much more easier than building something I was actually shit scared of doing anything productive with my weekends and free time. I know its not fair to look at the world and expect everyone in it to change just because a part of my life changed, but then watching people wasting time being lost or being scared is weird. I can't help it if that is how I feel. I am realizing that I have no control over some of these feelings and thoughts any more. Neither do I have control over what I do next. However, here is something that might be worth trying.
Long story short, I am not going to try to focus on changing the world. I am not going to focus on helping others. I've done enough of it. The next couple of months are going to be spent on quietly tweaking every little corner and tightening every little screw of this program so that finally when we open it up to the world it ends up liking it.
So, that's about it. I think this post may have turned out to become way too philosophical than what I expected it to be. But heck, I am here to write my heart out. It's supposed to be free style writing for me so I don't think I need to worry about you guys to death. And if you were in fact bored to death, I am sorry. I can't help it. All I can say is, STOP STALKING AND GET A LIFE.
(A wide nasty stupid funny Grin).
