The Road Not Taken.

I'm seriously mad. I was mad on a couple of friends but then after a long conversation with one of the friends I realized this week that the fault had been mine all along. I wasn't mad at them. I was just mad at a few choices I made when I was young. I think I am paying a heavy price for those choices. But then I am also reaping the rewards of those choices. I cannot be blaming anyone else other than myself for those choices. I cannot be crying like a baby when it's time to pay the price for my choices.

The problem with moving too fast is that when you often turn around you realize that you have come too far and that you left a few opportunities of having fun along the way. Not because you did not like having fun. No, you actually fucking loved it. But then you were supposed to move fast. At least that is what you had told yourself. Now the problem with moving really fast is that when you are walking fast you often tell yourself that you are going to come back later and finish a few unfinished items. Unfortunately, it is almost always a one way street. And by the time you realize that, you have come too far to turn back.

When I started writing here I told myself that I was not going to write here when I was angry, sorry, depressed or was going through any other negative feeling. So I did not write here about this feeling of mine till I had the long conversation yesterday where I, to a large extent allowed myself to forgive myself for the choices I made in the past. I didn't have an option. Given the same circumstances and the same options I would have made the same choices again. I tried my fucking best. That is all I could have done. I fucked up in a couple of places, but then heck with it! Who doesn't.

There are way too many dreams that I have been having lately. Most of them I don't even have the balls to talk to about on this blog. The only thing that is keeping me letting me retain any amount of sanity what so ever in this time is the fact that I have a couple of REALLY AWESOME friends who are standing tall and confidently by me in these difficult times. Without them I would have done something stupid. That and knowing deep down in the darkest corners of my heart that I tried my fucking best.

I have no idea about what I am talking any more. I am tired. Feeling a little sick. Tired and my body hurts. So I am just going to shut up and try to sleep.